Grant a Wish!

Rules

When someone makes a wish, you must grant it, but it has to be in a funny/painful/comical way.
For example:

Poster1 - I wish I could fly.

Poster2 - Granted. But you fly right into a brick wall.
................I wish I had a sandwich.

Poster3 - Granted. But it's a sandwich of worms!
................I wish I was smart!

You have to grant someone elses, then make a wish of your own!

Get it? Alright lets start!

I wish I had an apple.

granted.  the apple is given to you by a talking snake....

i wish i had eidetic memory

Granted. Except I don't know what that means...

I wish my Windows XP would work.

Granted. Your Computer found a job and is starting its family in New York

I wish I had a Million US legal offical American Dollars

Granted, but the U.S economy fails because the scout robs all the banks and distributes the money, as well as printing more money making the value of those dollars plummet. You die alone and friendless.

I wish my erm... unit... was bigger.

Quote:

Granted, but now it is hideously deformed in the shape of a pretzal.

I wish for world peace! haha!

Granted, because Earth is demolished to make way for a hyperspatial express route.

I wish I could find my keys.

Granted, but your car was stolen.

I wish that muffins were perfect.

Granted,  But your definition of perfect is made of dog poop
I wish that my I had a snowplow.

Granted, but it's broken.
I wish everyone would live happily.