TF2 Tips, Issue 1 Volume 1 (Rated PG-13, for crude humor)
Helping the engineers.
The engineer is everybody’s
friend. Although technically he kills
you every time you use his teleporter, he quickly resurrects you somewhere else
so you can join the fray all the quicker.
His dispenser is like an office water cooler, where people chill for a
few seconds between work:
Sniper: “I think the big guy is a
little too attached to his gun.”
Scout: “Ya, you don’t ever want to
know how he lubricates it.”
Pyro: Mmmmph mra mmmmph maphh mmmrrr
mha mha mha
And of
course who could forget the engineer’s mighty guns that work hard to keep our
homes safe. So you ask, this engineer sounds
like a great guy, how can you help him?
Well, his biggest enemy is the
mysterious enemy referred to by the gospel as the spy. These creatures of evil use some sort of
pagan witchcraft that keep Pat Robertson and his ilk awake at night to turn invisible. Then they
run up to the engineer’s holy creations and curse them! And while our minister
of machines tries to exorcise his devices, the spy plants a demonized dagger
straight into his back, sending him to purgatory to wait to be recalled by a
mysterious entity called The Server. But
as a brave young crusader, you can help the divine device maker. Pyros carry with them the torch of
revelation! Spread the revelation around
and you will be blessed with the sudden appearance of flames around the unseen
demon, allowing your flock to send him back to the hell from which he spawned.
Your profound faith is rewarded by The Server so
that this torch only hurts the demons and not your angelic crew! And as a divine reward, one of the engineer’s
creations will keep your torch full with this light, and soothe any
demon-inflicted wounds.
Of course, our pyromaniacal hero is
not the only being who can assist in the engineer’s cause. The demoman can keep some of his pointy rocks
attached near the gun, witness the sap in action, twitch his middle finger, and
suddenly the spy is now at three different capture points.