The Ultimate Scientific Laws of the Multiplayer Online Game Team Fortress 2...... or.... 101 Things that could go wrong in a TF 2 game.

So I was playing on a server just now, and then I was coming up with these laws of Team Fort 2, to try and give a humorous view to the assault on the last stage of Dustbowl...

so here goes, special thanks to some at the CP forums.

Feel free to give your humorous laws of TF2 here

General laws of TF2
1. The chance of a crit increases exponentially to the importance and size of a target i.e. a soldier will tend to crit a heavy or medic more often than a demoman or pyro.

2. The lower one's health, the higher the chance of there being a pyro around the corner.

Medic laws of TF2
1. A crit rocket seeks the nearest medic

2. In a location safe from rockets, grenades, and most fire, a medic will be sniped.

3. The chance of a medic being hit by a crit increases in direct ratio with the percentage of ubercharge.

Corollary 1
A medic is at his absolute most vulnerable when he is about to ubercharge

4. in a duel between a medic and a spy, the spy has a higher chance of a facestab than normal.

5. When more than one medic is charging their uber, the chance of death increases exponentially to the number of medics.

6. A medic healing an enemy spy never dies

Spy Laws
1. Even when a spy randomly chooses a disguise, the odds are 90% that you will be using name of the first enemy you run into.

2. Spy disguises and invisibility attract flames more than usual uniform material.

3. Bullets seek the nearest cloaked spy

Heavy laws
1. Facestabs work 50% more often on you than any other class

2. A crit stream will start when a scout runs in and end precisely before the follow up soldier medic teams move in

3. You will run out of ammo immediately when having to face another heavy
Extension
A friendly scout will grab the nearest ammo crate.

4. The chance of being hit by a crit is higher if you're not attached to a medic

5. Upon being ubered, the chance of being blown away from your med by a sticky or a rocket increases tenfold

as a cloaked spy when crossing the line of sight of a demoman the pipebomb he shoots will always be a crit

Soldier Laws

1. If you're unsure of an RJ, it will kill you

2. When in midair, you will fly through the fire zone of a Heavy, an SG, a sniper, or a combination of the above.

3. When you think you have a "dream spot" to snipe a sentry from, it's actually in range of the gun.

4. Crit rockets wont.

5. If you're wondering if the enemy heavy you're suppressing under rockets is still there waiting for you, he's moved into a position that will allow him to shred you once you charge.

Also, another spy law

4. Backstabs aren't

SPY LAWS Continued

1. Whenever you change disguises you will run straight into a zerg with smoke coming off you.

2.  Decloaking forces all nearby engies to turn in your direction.

3.  The sniper will turn around.

4.   The enemy doesn't spy check you, they already know.

too troo.

Demoman Laws

1. Stickies detonate a second too slow

2. Pipes bounce in the wrong direction

3. Heavies dodge your pipes

4. A single rocket will blast them (your sticks) all away successfully instead of scattering them too little

Soldier:

Everyone else's rockets move faster than yours.  They are also more accurate and powerful.  This is because they have a sweet Turbo Alignment Laser Enhanced Nuke Thrower  instead of what you have. 

Even when the enemy Demoman is facing another direction and is distracted, he will detonate his stickies as you pass over them.

When chasing a single enemy as a Spy, the chance of your enemy being just outside backstab range increases.

As a Soldier, your chance of getting two or more crit rockets in a row increases when your rockets will miss your target.

As an engineer in the period of your sentry upgrading you will get backstabbed and the spy will get away unscathed

Sniper Laws:

1. Enemy spies will only approach and backstab you the moment you go into scope view.

2. Scouts will jump around to your backside the moment you go into scope view.

3. Soldiers shoot rockets and Demomen their pipes at you the moment you go into scope view.

4. An enemy engineer will trot over and build a dispenser behind you so that he may create a teleporter (to transport enemy spies, scouts, and soldiers to your backside) the moment you go into scope view. The retreat location is covered by a level 3 sentry.

5. The coast looks clear to start lining up a shot, but suddenly you see ten enemy snipers pop out of hiding and aim at you the moment you go into scope view.

6. Valve releases another anti-Sniper patch the moment you go into scope view.